Save Me

Little Things Prologue

2006-07-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

A story I may or may not persue. I felt the need to write, and this came to mind. When I do decide to start it, I'll probably change the main character's name, but this is to give a small taste as of what's on my mind I suppose.

The story's about a girl who finds constant self-conflict. She's struggling with school and life, and finds solace and peace in conversations with images of herself. I don't plan on having her a schizophrenic, so to say, but you may call it what you wish I suppose.

I hope you enjoy, so feel free to leave some feedback. It's always nice.

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A green glow filled the room as the clock would change it’s face to display 2:01 AM in it’s lifeless numbers. Her eyes still stared blankly at the bars supporting the bunk above her, and her pallid digits would rise in a lethargic fashion to press against the cold white metal of these bars. “What a metaphor…” Her voice was quite, and the darkness lent seclusion to any of those who may have listened. A soft rustle would disturb this silence that the dark brought, but the girl would dismiss it as a disruption caused by her small farm of gerbils that were taking over the space atop her dresser drawer’s. A soft sigh would bring the concentration back onto the illuminated lips of the apathetic girl, and her thin frame would twist to lay on it’s side.

“I want to get out of here again. It’s not free here, and I don’t like it anymore.” Her voice seemed distant, as if it were frosted glass, or an image just out of view. She’d allow her wrist to hang from the side of the bed, and a cat would slink from the darkness to push it’s spine against her hand, and bellow a soft purr that resounded through the dark room.

“Well that’s just fine for you. Where do you expect to go?” It was a woman who spoke, but the gender was only identifiable by the tone of the voice, for even though the room was illuminated in the soft green glow of the alarm, no one would be seen spare for the girl and her entourage of small animals.

“Anywhere. What’s stopping me?” The girl’s eyes never looked to make eye contact with her invisible acquaintance, and simply focused on the texture of the purring cat’s fur.

“Reality. That’s what’s stopping you. You get all worked up about this, but then you remember that you’re lovely ideas of freedom and an unbound life are all in your head. You’re human, Olivia.” A form could be assumed from the tone of this voice, as it sounded much more mature and firm than that of the girl’s. It had the stern sense of responsibility and tenderness that a mother’s voice would hold, but it’s flow and vibration gave the feel of a young, beautiful woman. A woman who was confident in herself, and powerful in all things she strived for.

“I don’t like that name, I think when I leave I’ll change it to Maxinne. I like that name a lot better. It’s sexy and independent sounding.” Her focus would again avert to the dim glow cast upon the metal bars, as if these strange conversations with absent parties were a usual occurrence.

“Since when have you been so childish? Wake up, please for my sake. You’re focused on a name! Jesus Christ, since when were you so superficial?”

“I don’t even think I know what you said, but I can assume what you’re trying to say. Why don’t you let me fantasize anymore? Why can’t I just pretend like I’ve got something to look forward to once and a while?”

“Because you have things to do besides daydream and act silly. You have assignments, you have a life, and you have responsibilities. Responsibilities that you’ve ignored since you’ve gotten sick. You’ve been healthy quite a while and need to get your life back on track! You’re letting him ruin everything for you and you can hardly see it!” The voice was angry, and caused the cat to scurry elsewhere in the room to find solace from it’s potential. The girl made a silent response though, as one may do when cornered in an argument with no place to turn. She’d turn to face the wall beside the bed and pull the covers up about her shoulders.

“Reality… reality…”She whispered to herself quietly and closed her eyes softly, allowing all of the strange occurrences melt away into the cold vault of her mind. This was nothing new, but soon Olivia would discard it and go about with life ignoring these little things.

But oh, what little things they are.

Murder

2005-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Oh gasp,
how the candle flickers.
Oh dear,
how she churns the air.
Lord pray,
for her sweet redemption.
Laying cold
in her crimson lair.

Demon

2005-09-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

He never quite knew me
He never quite cared.
I hid a secret.
"Tell me" he dared.

"I am a story,
you'll never beleive.
I posess powers
you'll never conceive."

This made him giggle.
He said, "Tell me more."
He hadn't the slightest
for what was in store.

So later that night ,
he came up to me,
and tore off my shirt,
but what did he see?

My wings had been brandished.
My scars shining true.
His soul I would slaughter,
his sight saved for you.

So love, do tell me,
do you like what you see?
Or should you end up
tattered like he?

Forgiven

2005-09-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Lost I stood there.
Oh what to do.
He came back,
but I loved you.

With shaking hands,
you heard the news.
You threw me back,
for him to use.

Your anger thrashing
out of sight.
The time had passed...
I had no right.

Slow came your calm,
I poured my sorrow.
Slow came your warmth,
your heart to borrow.

I said 'I love you',
but no reply.
You has forgiven,
but wouldn't lie.

When you fell ill,
I asked no question.
When you insisted,
I inquired why.

I lay here now,
sick with her illness.
And wonder how
I never cried.

I came to you,
and said 'I love you.'
You looked at me
and said 'I too,'

'I wonder if
the world tommorow
remembers that
I'll marry you.'

I was beautiful

2005-05-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

As Oni sat on the fountain's edge, her dear friend Victor called out, waving from afar as she rushed to see her. "Onishi! Onishi Tetsuken!" Thin, long arms embraced her quickly before she realized what was happening. It was Victor! A friend she'd held for ages, keeping contact with despite her move to Valengrace. He looked horrid with sorrow, his face pale and sleepless and he held her, her hands softly patting his back as she hoped he'd let go soon. Thankfully he grabbed her shoulder, looking her over. "You're quite the looker now eh?" Oni blushed, glancing away as she mustered up some words.

"Look at yourself. You look horrible. Is it Treia still?" She lost her nervous exterior as she said that, taking is hand into hers firmly as she looked him dead in the eye. He grinned... it was sadistic. She knew something was wrong right away, her heart beating her her ears softly as he squeezed her hand.

He laughed, the demon half showing thick in his tainted dark eyes, his short red hair dishelved, seeming to flame from his head vigorously. It scared her, she pulled softly, hoping he'd let go. "Oh not at all Oni... That woman will pay for what she did to me..." He held her still, grinning as his eyes were shadowed over. "I'll drag her back to hell with me for what she did to my heart."

"Victor! You mean no such thing! Snap out of it will you? She was a whore, and you're just heartbroken, don't deal with it like this!" Oni leaned forward, concerned and worried, sincerity in her complexion as she spoke. "She hurt you I know. I know what it's like but you can't do this. She's not worth it."

"Oh but you're wrong Oni. You're wrong. She's unleashed the evil in me. Can't you feel it? Doesn't it feel good? You know it does Oni... It's been so long since I've felt like this. I am free Oni I'm finally free! No one will hold me back, and nothing with hold me down!" He leaned in, causing Oni to pull back again, but he held her wrists tightly to his chest. His eyes were glowing a blood red, sharp teeth lined between grinning tiers.

"Victor! Victor stop!" Tears pooled at the far corners of her eyes, pulling back with all her strength but it was nothing. He wouldn't be stopped. Oni glimmered with power as she'd force a thick barrier pushing him from her. Something happened though, He simply smirked as the green orb expanded rapidly, reflecting from his dark form, his aura red with fire as the barrier shot back at Oni, pushing her back onto the cobblestone. She cried out, her shoulder hitting the stone hard, a crack heard as her flesh oozed with her warm blood. "Victor!" She cried, the flaimng man stepping forward as he laughed.

"Don't fight me Oni. It's no use. I'll break you like the little doll you are." He laughed again, Oni pushing herself up from the cobblestone, not bothering to brush the dirt off of her new Yukata. Her face contorted and twisted, torn between shock and disgust, fear and hatred.

"Break me? I've been broken far past what you could ever do Victor! And now, with Kaine's love I feel stronger than you could ever imagine. I am no longer some little doll!" Her aura flamed a thick green, her hair flowing in the power like wind, like water, as her eyes glowed a bright green, "Try it Victor! Just try!"

He laughed still, stepping forward as his red aura seemed to simmer slightly. He reached forward gingerly, unafraid, but tender. His fingers weaved through her red hair. "What is this Oni? It's not your real color.. I liked it much better before." Her hair suddenly seemed to bleed of the red dye, a dark brown seeming to pour over her flowing tresses. Her aura didn't simmer, but her eyes returned to normal as she loooked confused, holding her hair in her hand as she backed up. "But at least you got rid of those black clothes and that horribly gothic outfit. I can give you that much." He said nonchalantly, the bled red dye sizzling on the cobblestone as Victor's aura seemed to flame up from the ground towards her. Oni back up step by step as it came closer, the red flames slowly haulting.

"I am not to please you anymore Victor. I have Kaine, and he likes my hair just as it is." She said with a snide smirk, her own flames fighting his, intwining and weaving through them, almost reaching him. Her fists clenched... Just a little further... She thought, still keeping that sadistic grin as she played with his mind, and he playing with her's.

"Oh but you are Oni. Become evil. Feel this power. I know you have it in you Oni. You know you want it. What's the use of pretending to be good when you're hell-bound as it is?" He grinned, staring at her. His words were honest, Oni was getting high off of such power. She was enjoying it, she felt invincible to him, to his evil.

"Never!" Her flames grew taller, filling the space between them. Patrick laughed louder though. He could see her flames turning black. His manipulations working oh so perfectly. Slowly the city around them melted away, the ground, the skies, the buildings all turning black. But Oni didn't flinch or gasp, her eyes in a deadly lock with his as her fist clenched. Her Yukata ruffling with the power, the large sleeves flowing as it warmed her, relaxing her into her anger. "You won't touch Treia. You won't lay a finger on her! I'll make sure of that!"

"What will you do, Oni? Fight me?" His flames grew taller, though far more controlled than Oni's.

"I'll kill you!"

"Then do it!" He laughed.

"Touch her and I will!" Her eyes glowed a thick black, her flames and her aura turning a much more radiant black then the void around them. Slowly the ground would turn red, fire encircling them at a distance. She could see him beneath her foot... Burning.. enflamed... choking as she smashed her sole into his throat, her arms unable to push her off... she saw herself kill him... Yet he stood before her unphased. Their aura's no longer showed, there eyes merely both glowing black.

He smiled, and vanished. Before Oni could even react he was behind her, a knife to her throat and his arm around her waist. He whispered into her ear softly, his hand toying with the obi. "I see what you're thinking..." She blushed furiously for some reason.. "It's turning you on. The thought of kill me. Imagine it Oni. You and I... fucking in hell. You cutting me up and clawing me as you controlled me... " He inhaled her scent, flowers...tress... he smelled none of it. He could only smell evil, sadistic intentions.

Oni blushed, squirming to try and get free from him, but this situation was making her week, her eyes simply black, the glow leaving them. She couldn't get away though, he held her tighter to him, combing his fingers through her hair. "Get off of me Patrick..." Her voice was shaky, fluttering off of her lips.

"I'll have you... You'll be my dark queen Oni... You know you want it." He kissed at her neck, tickling her like Kaine would. She cried, screaming out for Kaine, hoping he would come. Victor laughed at this, stroking her hair softly. "There's no use love... You're little boy won't come. You're my evil Queen."

"No! No Victor I'm not! Let me go! It isn't what I want! I love Kaine and you can't take me from him! Let me go, I am not Treia!" She pulled away from him as his hands started to dart down the tiny skirt of the yukata. She stumbled, falling to the ground as her wings flared out when he stepped forward. And then hit hit her why he stopped. Thank god she was wearing the leaotard like armor beneath the yukata, her face twisted into a look of disgust as she moved to cover her rump. "You're a sick bastard."

"Yes I am. But what will you do? No one is here to save you..." He whispered softly, but she heard him clearly. Almost as soon as his words spoke the flames vanished, around them stood the archers that lined Sand'oria's barriers. And at their command: Kaine. Her dearest Dragoon would charge forward, blood on his tounge as the dragonscale tunic reflected the soft street lights' glow. One swift motion and his lance would jab forward, into Victor's gut. But it was far too late, the demonic man dissapearing into mist and shadows with a cackle, leaving Oni scarred with tears, her wings limp at her sides as a white mage approached, checking her for wounds.

Kaine approached her, looking down at her with big, pleading eyes. The archers were dismissed, checking the grounds for any trace of Victor. The white mage found nothing out of the usual about the pixie, and he too seemed to melt away. They both still stood in their same postitions though; Oni motionless, her tears still carressing her cold cheeks, and Kaine standing there as he had seen the horrid scene... all of it.

"Did you...?"

"Never Kaine. Never. "

"Oh thank god.." Kaine sighed, dropping his lance and rushing to fall beside her, embracing her as she cried softly. "Are you okay?"

"Now that you're here Kaine.. He wanted me to give in to him Kaine. He wanted my heart... my soul... my body. He'll be back I know it Kaine... He'll be back." She cried, holding her love close, sobbing into the dragon scale tunic softly.

"And I Oni, will kill the fucker if he ever comes near you again." He stared into her eyes, a stern, sincere look on his face.

She was silent, but she knew that tonight would haunt her mind for a very long time. However she eased her beating heart, relaxing in Kaine's arms as she slowly fell into a soft slumber, cried to sleep. The protective Dragoon picked her from the cobblestone, noticing the shoulder wound and wondering why the mage missed it. Kaine, suspicious, trusted not even Maxinne after their introduction. Sleepless he stood keeping watch, making sure that the damned demon never touched her.

Onishi... I'll have you. Marry me Onishi. Bring me to hell with you. I'll have you either way.

Sweating, crying, thrasing in her sleep, she woke to find Kaine sitting beside her bed, still in full armour. Maxinne had changed her out of the yukata, the loose shirt comfortable and slack on her frail, weak frame. Kaine had risen, sitting at her side and placing his hand on hers.

"Relax Oni it was only a dream. I'm protecting you."

"Kaine... I love you."She said softly, leaning forward and hugging him tightly. His eyes teared up softly, and he kissed her head gingerly, laying next to her and holding her close. "I will never betray you. No matter who wants me to. No matter what my mind or my body tells me. I will always listen to my heart. You are my heart Kaine... I love you."

Lost and forgotten

2005-04-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

( Copyright note: This isn't the Sand'oria from FFXI. Well yes, the scroll and appearance is, as well as the incorporation of elves, but I have changed the government, layout, and such and such. SO technically, it is mine. The name and origin can be FFXI's but technically, it's all mine.)

Oni dismissed the nurse with a flick of her wrist. It was quick the the fae had realized that she wasn't ailed by the same plague. However, the crafty young sprite was faking it of course as she thought of some way to still see Kaine. It was nice, being unaware of the going ons in her own country. Being completely oblivious to the schemings and plots of some of the more corrupt citizens of Valengrace. Even if they included her.

She slid out of the bed, dressed in the same tunic as always. A small smirk spreading across those tinted tiers as she would open the dresser drawer beside the window of her room. Taking out a hefty cloak and bag, she would slide into the seat of her desk.

And with that, a pen would be drawn, parchment lying before her as she wrote a note of departure.

Dear Mother,
Worry not, I've taken the advice of one of the medical aides and I've left for Sand'oria. There I'll be seeking the aide of a famed white mage. He's familiar with this illness and claims to be able to heal it with ease. I'm expecting to be several weeks, and will more than likely return to Knightfall afterwards to check in on the progress of the war. I promise to write to you soon, and as for the block in Sand'oria, I have a grant from the mage to enter.

Love always,
Onishi

Of course most of what she stated in the letter was a lie. Knowing that she wasn't sick anylonger, she wasn't going to visit a white mage in Sand'oria. She opened the bag after placing the pen back into the stationary kit, and would withdraw a sealed scroll. The scroll was sealed with the symbol of Sand'oria. However something very strange loomed about it. She opened the scroll and clutched onto her belongings tightly as she clenched her eyes shut.

A soft melody filled her ears, her body glittering and becoming transparent. The handle on the door turned, and swung open but it was too late. The half fae was gone when the male entered. He wor armor that looked like it was fashioned from diamond, the insignia of Valencegrace shining in an incandescent blue in the center of the chest plate. He would bring himself to the desk, looking to the letter and grinning as he shook his head, knowing very well that the girl was lying. Though something about him reassured you that he wasn't telling her mother of the doings any time soon.

_______________________________________________

Oni stumbled slightly as she arrived in the grassy entrance of Sand'oria. It was a magnificent place, protected by massive stone walls and lush with green, finely cut grass. She looked to either side, flinching slightly at the sight of armored gaurds, their long pointy ears protruding from their long hair. Ah she missed this place, the street vendors and snooty inhabitants. It's expensive items and amazing gardens. It was where her father lived... and of course, where he died. She would sigh, staring up at the blue skies overhead. For a moment, she was in a blissful state, however others had their agenda. An awfully rude looking woman would rush through the gate behind her, yelling about being late or something as she huffed for air. Without looking the woman would crash harshly into Oni, sending the small half fae flying into the grassy land below her. However, she chuckled, rolling onto her wings and looking at the appauled woman who assaulted her. "Max!"

"Oni? Oh mah gawd! It's really you!" The tall girl would lean over, grabbing the sprites hand and pulling her up. "You've changed so much since I saw you last! When was that anyways... you were so small and... Oh... I remember.." Their expressions quickly faded, Oni glancing away dismally. "Ah but look at ya! Full wings, full body, half an outfit of course..." She stated as she backed up, looking the girl over. "You're father would have a fit if he were here, love! Let us go get ya out of that tunic and into somethin' reasonable, aye?" The woman said, adjusting her berret. She stood a good two or three feet over Oni, the sprite being only four feet tall to begin with. Her blue hair was short, much shorter than any woman's in Knightfall or Valengrace, and resembling Kaine's quite well. She would turn towards the town, grabbing Oni's shoulder and walking with her towards the shopping district of the city.

"I see the grant worked well, eh? No trouble with your mum?" The woman asked, guiding Oni along the cobblestone path, a fenced off channel to the left, and the 'fall the water poured in from to their right.

"Not at all, I told her I was coming here to visit a white mage about an illness she was convinced ailed me. Although as you can see I'm fine." She grinned as she looked up at the tall, elven woman.

"Ahh! Y'sneaky bastard you! " She had a haughty laugh, slapping the small fae on the back.

"Woah!" She stumbled a bit, catching herself as they came to an tailor that was famous for armor and clothing wear. She had visited the place only once before with her father, but it was so long ago, she could barely remember it. Apon entering, they were greeted by a man only three quarters Oni's height. She looked down at him as he greeted them with his bottlecap glasses and his wirey grey hair.

"Hello there Max! Who's this little youngun' you've brought me..?" He adjusted his glasses, the old little man walking up to Oni and squinting his eyes. "Ahhh! Is that Shiro Tetsuken's daughter?!" He looked shocked, jumping back and glancing the pale skinned fairy over.

"Right-oh old man! The one and only Onishi Tetsuken! I brought her here to get her out of her mothers tramp clothes. Think you can help her out?" Max patted Oni's shoulder as she scratched at her head under the berret.

"Without a doubt! It'd be an honor to get to serve Shiro's daughter again. You just leave here to me and I'll give her back to you within the hour!" The old man clapped his hands, grabbing Oni's wrist and dragging her into the next room. He was old, but the pudgy little man sure had some strength, the fae following him as she looked over her shoulder to Max.

"I'll tell yer boyfriend you're here, don't you worry!" Maxinne laughed, walked out the door they arrived in as she waved. "And I'll pick you up in the square in about two hours, if you've forgotten where everything is, I'm sure Crabby will give ya a map!"

"Uhh... alright..." Oni said, being pulled into the room where two elven women in dresses would seem to get right to work measuring the girl while the short little man planned out her outfit.

_____________________________

It was nothing short of an hour later that Oni would find herself in the second district of the large city of Sand'oria, decoritive trees making the place feel like one large courtyard, fancy buildings lining the large outerwalls of the city, and several lamp posts lining the cobblestone walkways. In the center of it all lay a large fountain in all it's beauty, the water lit up by spells used to illuminate some of the stones that went into the creation of the fountain. Oni sat on the edge, listening to the fountain babble and the musicians play a soft melody. She stared down at the large plaque below her feet.

DEDICATED IN THE LOVING MEMORY OF SHIRO TETSUKEN, LOST BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

Oni sighed and looked down at the yukata she wore, the fine silk glistening from the lighting of the fountain. It was beautiful.. soft pink sleeves that hung over her palms and the purple base, a silken obi tied tightly about her stomach and holding the robe-like yukata closed and on. It was fashioned like a kimono, but stopped short much like a tunic. Underneath she wore something much like a leotard, the armor they reffered to as a "Brass harness", the gold metal of it unseen as it was fitted to be invisible under the yukata.

"Ahh if only Kaine could see me now.." She sighed, looking up to the large Chapel she had visited as a child...

The entire population of Sand'oria was there, Maxinne, Crabby, even the prince. People of different colors, different nationalities, and different species all came to honor the death of Shiro Tetsuken, the honorable soldier of Sand'oria. He was a human, and the best one there is in Sand'oria's stature. He served the Sand'orian army as a ninja, his first life as a theif.

She remembered standing at the Chapel altar, next to the casket her dead fatherlay in. She was only ten, her hair pulled back into a bun and a beautiful little dress glittering to match the translucent fairy wings all little fae had. Her mother stood next to her crying, and her counselor consoling her. Her mother and father had divorced when her mother moved to Valengrace. Her father had stayed here in Sand'oria and served the cause he always had... and fought until he brutally died at the hand of the enemy in war. She didn't tell people she was a half fae... nor that her father was the great Shiro Tetsuken... her mother had taught her what shame it would bring her, and the outcast she would become. So eventually, in the land of Valengrace, Shiro Tetsuken was lost, but indeed forgotten.

In Oni's Eyes

2005-04-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

I lay there staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. The materials used to make the walls that encased me were nothing like those of the world I had fallen in love with. I was now in Valengrace, far from the plague-stricken Knightfall. And far from the only man that could heal my ill-stricken body. Kaine… he was off fighting the mid-easterners in some land I couldn’t tell you the name of, in some place I would never recognize, with people I could never trust. My hand raised and I wiped the tears from my face and closed my eyes, delving into the memories of our last night together.

“Oh Kaine… Are you sure you’re in good health?” I sat there, his head in my lap and my wings folded against my back. It was cold but I ignored it, as long as he was happy. I was combing my fingers through his hair, and he was resting with his hand gripping mine.

“Of course Oni, please don’t worry so much about me. I’m fine, and I’ll get better.” He moved to look up to her with those caring, gazing eyes. It moved me, it made me sad, it made my tears well in my heart.

“Oh Kaine… I can’t let you leave though…You’ll die out there…” I leaned forward and held him tightly in my arms, smelling the spices of Knightfall on his clothes and his skin. He smelled wonderful, A scent I wouldn’t soon forget, but a scent I’d miss for a long time. “I’m going back to Valengrace to avoid this plague in the morning but… I can’t just leave you here like this. At least spend the night?”

“No Oni… I can’t…”

I couldn’t bear to relive the pain and sadness I had to go through when he left me in the bed of the dim room, staring out after him with tears on my skin. I feel ugly and alone with out him by my side, I feel fearful and weak. A mere half-fae trying to make it in his world… in his life. I knew I was nothing compared to his last love, my constant idol, since before I had even met Kaine. She was beautiful… better than me at everything I did. She was smart, and funny, and better yet, she was a human. She, unlike myself, was given the ability to be with Kaine. She could spend every waking hour with him… though I, on the other hand, could only sneak away from Valengrace for so long.

And now, I too was victim to the plague that had bore through the walls of Knightfall. It would mean I wouldn’t see Kaine for even a longer period of time. I cried, choking on my tears as I turned in my bed, singing softly to try and soothe the pains of my heart. Without him, who was I anymore? What if mother was right…? What if Kaine is doing this all for his amusement, and I am merely his play toy? He’s alone… he could be desperate… and I’ve never known him when he was in love with another. What if all my family and friends are right, and I’m foolish to banish myself from my home to be with him?

I stopped quickly, knowing these thoughts would only cause the illness strength. I knew for now, that I would only see Kaine in my dreams

And so the half-fae slumbered, the color gone from her wings and her skin, her body looking ill and deathly with the human sickness. She has been quarantined from her kind, locked in her room, and checked on from time to time by the mother that she had talked with just the night before.

Of course, the conclusion was uncertain, as they had more to speak of, but the outcome, as it stood was marvelous. While the predominate Faerie would never condone the relationship between Oni and Kaine, she would accept it, for the most part. She realized that Oni held the strength to tell her father, if that be the case, and the woman knew that Oni was in love. When in good health, Oni knew she’d see her knight again.

The next day she would carry herself into the school of magicks and other fae-ly activities. Defense, Offense, Architecture, and Art… all were things taught here in the humble building of youthful fae. Now being merely half of what they were, Oni was immediately seen as different from them, but none the less she would carry herself about her on the days assigned. It was quick though, that she realized her strength was absent, and today she’d have to visit the health ward during the physical tactics classes.

From dusk, till high noon she slept in the white-walled room, against the stale pillow and putrid smells of potions and devices used to heal the minorly sick fae that visited. Being the change of the seasons, the ward was full of sickened Fae suffering the illness that often overcame them in the changing of the tides. The conversion was hard on Oni as well, but she knew better than to think it was something as simple as that. She was exposed to the plague, the disease Kaine’s people carried, and a disease she was fearful to own. Her mother wouldn’t take her to the hospice she worked in, claiming it was conversions and illnesses that would be quickly gone with. She refused it as the plague and claimed that no slight exposure in a human’s illness would capture the lively fae.

Oni knew better than that. So here she lay, sicken to the body, and broken to the soul. She still cared not for herself though, her worries apon Kaine and his adventures. Her wishes focusing to see him again, and her mind deterred from her own world, disappearing to his. She was nothing without him, so for now; nothing, she would be.

I Fight Alone

2005-01-19T22:13:00.000-08:00

A poem inspired by Kaine, Joe's main character in his short stories. I like how it flows but the ending disturbs me. Anyways I hope you enjoy! Love you Joe. =3

I Fight Alone

My bitter entrapment,
I’ll scream and I’ll shout.
I wish you to hear me,
but this I must doubt.

Treed without guidance,
forbidden by fear.
I withdraw my weapon,
as suffering’s near.

Caged in my silence,
alone I do stand.
None fight beside me,
Independence they brand.

Hallo.

2005-01-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

Ugh I wish Joe would update his blog. It's depressing because I made the mistake on Live Bookmarking it, meaning that Everytime I sign on theres an icon for it. And everytime I click that icon I'm reminded of how mad he was. I mean yes I deserved every bit of it but it's none the less depressing.

I was such a suck up in school today. The heater was screwed up in Gym so I made puppy dog eyes and got it so that we could all not have to dress out. It was pwnage. Yeah, but no one thanked me. Meh I don't care. Allie cheered me up some today anyways and Joe called me. My phone hates him, but he's supposed to call back any minute. He had company over or something and was about to eat dinner when he called. Meh. ><

By the way, I love the word Meh. Joe keeps saying he doesn't know what it means. That's why I love it. It's so multifunctional. It's like "My dog died..." "Meh. You poor thing." or "I got laid!" "Meh. You dirty Perv." and even when you don't use it in context! Like if you hate someone be like "Hi!" "Meh...". A beautiful word. Spiffy is beautiful but not multifunctional. And Alys is so digging my quotes it's not funny. She wrote like four things I said on a paper plate. Or at least she wanted to. I only saw one. =/

Lee: "I've got enough on my plate already!"

Me:"No your plate is empty! You scraped everything back into the bowl!"

Yeah, that was from the party during one of our arguments. Meh. I am still mad at him. How can you not want to earn forgiveness, and then say if you don't receive forgiveness than you can't honestly be someones friend? Joe's my friend, and he hasn't forgiven me yet.

Joe's crazy though. We just got off the phone. Apparently he's gonna call my dad when I'm not home and ask his permission to take me out for Chinese food this weekend.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

My dad is like 200 pounds. Of lots and lots of muscle. He's a biker. He has a 9mm gun and an exquisite ensemble of hazardous paintball guns. He's very protective of his daughter.

But in honesty I want Joe to call. Maybe a guy with chivalry will change my dads mind. Maybe Joe will forget to mention he's 18. Oh no! I never wished him Happy birthday... -Meep.-

Oh my.

2005-01-17T16:27:00.000-08:00

So I was tirelessly cleaning my room, folding clothes: you know the whole child labor thing. And Ariel comes to the door. She rushes in the second I open it and starts asking me how my room's going and if I'm done yet. To be honest having seen only a yellow mustang in the driveway I thought it was Joe, who I had been expecting a call from. Instead it was Tom with Alys and Ariel. SO Ariel was freeloading in my bathroom when Joe called. I mentioned something about "Lesbian Friend" and my mom woke up and was like: "what are you talking about?!". Oh my. Then I shuffled everyone outside while I was on the phone, barefoot and jacketless and there was SNOW on the ground. So Ariel got in the mustang and yelled at me to get of the phone and go work on my room so that I could go to Lee's at 5. It's still 4:30 and my room isn't done so I doubt that'll happen.

Not to mention my mom is gonna have a fit.

Yay. But I talked to Joe, which was awesome, because I've never talked to him when he's had his voice. He has a pretty voice. :3

I'm still mad at Lee. I don't really want to go over tonight but I have to. Meh. I'll just try to clean my room and fail like I always do. Plus it's a school night and my mom's working. And my dad's not home yet so... Meh.

Scars

2005-01-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

Papa Roach - Scars Lyrics

chorus:
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

chorus:
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

chorus:
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

chorus:
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Sparks - Overseer

2005-01-16T22:55:00.000-08:00

This song is so beautiful. The female ocalist really brings it to life, but I posted it because the lyrics become me.
Thank god you might forgive me Joe. -Hugs.-
_________________________________________________________________________________

If I keep moving I can hold off the pain
Just gotta keep moving further further away
If I stop talking the sparks are going to fly
So I'll just keep on walking
Just keep quiet

I just feel like your drifting out
Could I keep this tide from turning
If I scream and I shout
I just feel like your drifting out
Could I keep this tide from turning
I will scream and I will shout

Each day you take something
A little bigger everytime
Look at me I'm just an outline
You've taken what was mine
Each time I let you back in
A little foolish I know
Look at me I'm half the story
And I don't know where my story goes

I just feel like your drifting out
Could I keep this tide from turning
If I scream and I shout
I just feel like your drifting out
Could I keep this tide from turning
I will scream and I will shout

If I stop talking
The sparks are going to fly
So I'll just keep
Keep quiet

If I stop talking
The sparks are going to fly
So I'll just keep
Keep quiet

Save Me

2005-01-16T15:57:00.000-08:00

Well what can I say? I've fucked alot of things up.

I'm 13. Lately I've been through alot of Drama.

I'm not looking for sympathy though.

Brendan. Oh my. Brendan was fun in the kind of way that you liked the thought of being accepted but you just weren't happy. I could lie to myself and others for months at a time before realizing how very unhappy I was. We had an on/off relationship. Three times we've broken up. I finished it though.

Joe. I really think I loved him. Maybe not as much as Lee. When Lee told me he was gay I went to Joe. When Brendan hurt me I went to Joe. When I hurt Brendan, I went to Joe. Joe was my hero. I'd wait days just to talk to him. I'd question my actions because I was afraid of what he'd think. He's 17, though. I decided that no matter how hard I tried, it'd be a long time before we could ever be together.

Lee. Lee's my current boyfriend. I hope this lasts because I've beaten myself up over him since august when we broke up the first time. I think if Joe ever had a second chance with Beckah he'd know how I feel about Lee. I grew up with Lee, well nine years. I love him. I loved him. I will love him. When he told me he wanted to give us a second chance, I dropped everything. I dropped Joe. I almost regret that, because I know Lee will hurt me when he feels it right. That's why I love him. His drama. His emotional softyness and his trauma. I can be a drama queen around him. And growing up surrounded by limping vats of testosterone it's nice to meet a guy who's not a jackass. Joe wasn't a jackass either. He was just older than me. My mom would hate me, she'd make my life hell if she ever knew. I regret thinking of her opinion when it came to Joe.